Friday, January 25, 2013

The Blame Shift

I've spent a lot of time lately looking around at my life, and life around me. This didn't start intentionally, and I wasn't looking to go on another long "soul searching" trip - even though I probably should. Let's admit it, I'm hardly 100% content. (and to clarify, the discontent is attached to the outside "life around me" portion of this gander. I very much am content with my, immediate and personal life.)

So what is the issue?

There is a whole lot of blame shifting going on - everywhere. I hear it in/on the news, when people talk about their lives, or gossip about the lives of others they know - no one seems to be a fault, for anything - everyone wants change, yet no one wants to do the hard work - it's that guys fault, or this chick, and no one ever listens. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Everyone is taking a cue from people like Taylor Swift. A person who has built her career on blaming every guy she has ever dated for everything wrong with her life. Do we not remember the old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me?" It applies to her life - SO WELL - as it applies all over the map. You don't need to be a psychologist to know Miss Swift needs to go to a councilor and have a look inside to find out what the cause of these problems are. To quote Tina Fey, "She needs some time to learn about herself." And yes, I know the Taylor Swift fans out there are so angry, but I don't care, but it makes sense they are angry at Tina Fey for pointing out the obvious, because they emulate Taylor Swift, and feel/think what she says is how you are supposed to live your life - you complain all the time, and never take the time, or the steps, to improve your life.

And all of this has led me to sit back, look around, and think - "What the hell had gone wrong, that everyone feels we should all be playing the victim?" Isn't that what's going on?

Back in 2007, when I signed up facebook it was a peaceful place. Well - to be honest, no one I knew was ON facebook 2007, so it was EXTREMELY quiet - thus the peacefulness. But a year later, the site exploded, and I went from having 5 "friends" to well over 300 (Who are they? Not a clue...). I reconnected with old friends from Grade School, High School, and old jobs. I made connections with colleagues, students, writers, and others in my current life - and I fell in love facebook.

And then a black cloud floated over the social media site, and suddenly all the "Taylor Swift-ing" began. Everyone sat down and began to do nothing but complain. Complain about the government, jobs, significant others, coworkers, this, that, and every other thing on the planet. PARANOIA! And on top of that, if you happen to disagree with them, you are quickly told how they (the Swift-er) is RIGHT. ALL the time. No one wants to listen to anyone else. Everyone is so consumed with seeing their own beliefs stamped in black and white, and reveling in how perfect their perceive opinions are. It's utterly nauseating.

[And don't even get me started on the "that's what Karma gets you" crap I keep seeing. To set the record straight, karmas are "lessons" that happen to ALL of us - not just that chick/guy you dislike - stop it.]

This is all I'm seeing everywhere, not just facebook - but all over.
How are we ever going to move forward in this world, if all we do is spend all of our time complaining, and griping, and not actually doing anything? If it's broke, fix it. If you can't fix it, move past it. If you can't move past it, try to find a new way to look at it. Everyone has issues in their lives, no one is ALWAYS happy and walking on a silver lined clouds made of marshmallows and sunshine. And most of all, you're opinion is just that, an opinion - just like MY opinion is just that, too. It's an opinion, and opinions aren't always right, sometimes they're extremely wrong.

Own your own life.
Stand in front of a mirror and make a deal with yourself. Decide that instead of victimizing yourself, because shit went wrong, that you will move past it and become a better person because you had to work hard at something. Say, "I'm better than this, and god damn it, I deserve to be happy. Today I will STOP wallowing and I will kick ass." Maybe, if one at a time we do this, it'll spread and the world can act like we're not in junior high for about five minutes.

Life is short, and no one owes you anything - and no one owes ME anything either. But I do owe myself the life I want, and that means I'm going to have to work hard, and I'm fine with that.

That's what life is about - if you want to know the "secret" - there is no secret. There is being grateful for what you have, thankful for for what you don't, the knowledge that at times life won't be easy, but you will get through if you choose to look at the bright side.

Everything is a choice. You can choose to be angry and bitter and to feel slighted, or you can be grateful, and take the steps to become happy. Own your own life. OWN IT. Stop the blame shift.

And to quote Patti Smith, "We created it, let's take it over." So take it over already.

One last thing on karma - if you believe that karma is a lesson brought on to you (or to others) because of the actions in your or their lives, then wouldn't that mean that celebrating the misfortunes of others is... bad karma? If you get what you give, and all you give is grief, then why will you ever have anything in your life but that?

Exactly. Stop the blame shift. Own it. Love it.  Be it.



  1. /Reads amazing blog post.

    //Stares at computer screen in awe.

    ///Stands, and applauds.

  2. I'm feeling blamed for blaming too much.... I blame you for that.

  3. BW - *bows* Thank you :)

    Katherine - it may be my fault, but since there is no proof, I feel we should just move past the situation all together. ;)